Color, 1964, 87 mins. 58 sec. / 81 mins. 23 secs.
Directed by Nicholas Webster
Starring John Call, Leonard Hicks, Vincent Beck, Bill McCutcheon, Victor Stiles, Donna Conforti, Chris Month, Pia Zadora, Leila Martin
AGFA (Blu-ray) (US R0 HD), Kino Lorber (Blu-ray & DVD) (US RA/R1 HD/NTSC)
As exploitation 
movies really took hold in the '50s and '60s, children's films proved to be a quick and easy way to make some cash as 
well with any regional film featuring public domain fairy tale characters getting dumped to the matinee crowd. As long as it was in focus, theaters felt that kids could sit through just about anything even if it was an H.G. Lewis filmed stage play or a migraine-inducing K. Gordon Murray dubbed Mexican import. Then you have the subgenre of the children's Christmas film, which produced some utterly bizarre holiday confections that have since become fixtures on all-time bad movie lists. (The Salkinds eventually took that approach to its logical big-budget conclusion with their Santa Claus movie in 1985, but that's another story.) Anything with a seasonal angle could be trotted out every year in December, especially once demand increased thanks to perennial TV specials featuring Charlie Brown, the Grinch, and any arrangement of Rankin-Bass characters. Thus we got the perpetually popular Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, the inevitable collision of Christmas kidsploitation and space age sci-fi that has since become a critical punchline -- due in no small part to the presence of a pint-sized Pia Zadora, long before she shot to cult movie immortality in The Lonely Lady, Butterfly, and Voyage of the Rock Aliens. Is this really one of the worst movies ever made? Nah, it isn't even close to the worst Christmas film since it feels like Battleship Potemkin next to, say, Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny. The bizarre concept is the real attraction here, something so 
goofy and sincere that it's held a perpetual fascination for decades including a still-running live theatrical version every year in Southern 
California. Alas, Pia Zadora does not participate.
The fun(?) starts off with the aggressively infectious theme song "Hooray for Santa Claus" by Milton Delugg and the Little Eskimos before we segue into a TV interview with Santa and Mrs. Claus at the North Pole. As it turns out, broadcasts can reach Mars where the conformist society is upset by how much it's affecting the behavior of their heavily controlled children. After some advice from their oldest and wisest member, the Martians decide to kidnap Santa and bring him to Mars so the kids can have a taste of holiday cheer, which they accomplish despite the challenge of sifting through all the imitation Santas on Earth. The real Santa (Call) ends up in the Martians' hands and becomes a target of the villainous Voldar (TV vet Beck) who wants to kill off the jolly menace. Two Martian kids who are Santa's biggest fans, Girmar (Zadora) and Bomar (Month), are instrumental in trying to protect Santa along with two Earth kids along for the ride, Billy (Stiles) and Betty (Conforti).
Released by Embassy back in the day and a staple of VHS and DVD budget editions ever since, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians was an inevitable choice for Mystery Science Theater 3000 as well. 
Anyone familiar with '60s kiddie matinee movies shouldn't be surprised that the Long Island production (with a cast largely culled from New York stage actors) has very threadbare sets and costumes, including a robot straight out of a 
school stage play and lots of bare walls everywhere. It certainly isn't dull though, and the vibrant, borderline psychedelic color scheme is exactly the kind of candy aesthetic that filmmakers thought would keep kids quiet while their parents were off buying presents.
The first Blu-ray of this infamous stocking stuffer came along from Kino Lorber in 2013, with a bumpy initial pressing pulled after it turned out a master was used with 20 minutes missing. The corrected version didn't stay around for long and now goes for a hefty price, though the DVD option is still available. Extras include a newly created trailer, a stills gallery, and a "Santa's Cool Holiday Film Festival" (46m17s) reel of holiday-themed classic cartoons, commercials, and short subjects. In 2024, AGFA and Something Weird Video teamed up for a new Blu-ray edition released as Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and Other Holiday Hallucinations, this time presenting a "roadshow" version of the film from SWV's 16mm print. The film is preceded by six minutes of newly-scanned Christmas theatrical bumpers including a great 1971 one and a K. Gordon Murray compilation feature, Santa's Giant Film Festival of the Brothers Grimm. The main feature is also interrupted by an amusing intermission featuring a certain retired Oscar winner doing a Christmas Seals pitch. Transfer-wise it's quite different from the Kino Lorber in terms of color timing, as you can see from the comparison below; this 
one has a much warmer look with deeper blacks. Both have similar framing and about the same amount of element damage, so you're okay either way in that respect. The DTS-HD MA 2.0 English mono track is fine and comes with optional 
English SDH subtitles.
The "Hallucinations" part kicks off with "Santa Claus Conquers the Drive-In" (59m39s), a flood of jingle bells, cartoons, Rosemary Clooney, Virginia Mayo, Elizabeth Montgomery, Mr. Magoo, more theater bumpers, disco reindeer, Sprite, and some Happy New Year wishes for good measure. Then it's a hefty collection of familiar Something Weird Christmas shorts presented here from the existing S-VHS masters: "A Christmas Dream" (8m38s), "A Christmas Fantasy" (7m40s), "Christmas in Toyland" (9m19s), "Christmas Journey" (10m39s), "Christmas Tree" (7m10s), "The Christmas Visitor" (7m30s), "The Liberace Christmas Special" (26m38s), "Merry Christmas" (8m43s), "The Night Before Christmas" (7m59s), "A Present for Santa Claus" (8m14s), "Santa in Animal Land" (9m11s), "The Spirit of Christmas" (9m44s), "A Visit from St. Nicholas" (4m14s), and "A Visit to Santa" (9m59s). Expect lots of stop-motion animation, stuffed animals, little kids making last-minute Christmas wishes, and various Santas getting into mishaps on Christmas Eve. An insert card is also included with appreciative liner notes from SWV's Lisa Petrucci.
AGFA Blu-ray
Kino Lorber Blu-ray
Reviewed on November 14, 2024
